Quote to share...

“You may be disappointed if you fail but you are doomed if you don’t try.”

Piano...

Piano keys
Piano sheets
Black keys, white keys
Different keys, different sound

From the cold black and white keys
To the stagnant pedals
That’s what makes the melodious sound

The melody may not be perfect
But it would represent the feelings of that moment

Life is almost like the black and white keys
Some time black, some time white
Some time black and white are played together
Some time you just don’t know what to play

The melody
The rhythm
The sound
The spirit

What you’re feeling will be reflected through the music played
What you played is what you want to express
What you think would affect the whole rhythm
What you want may not be what you get

Isn’t it just complicated sometime?

When reality and wishes clashes

When matters go against our wishes, I’ll usually feel very helpless
Recently, I have this feeling again
But this time, I don’t wish to give up.
I’ll persist, persist on for my own sake
Persist for the sake of fulfilling my wish in future

Turning my helplessness and discouragements into motivation, as motivation gives me hope
Opportunities are only given to those who are prepared
Therefore, I'll persist on with all that I have.

Thoughts...

Our lives are like books and each day is like a page
We can’t erase what has already been written
But we can always try to make the next page better… :)

28 days later

Today marks exactly 1 month after the demise of my beloved grandma
Facing the truth again that grandma has really left this world
It has made my heart ache again
I really do miss you grandma
Shall be praying for you always


Quote to Share...

"If you don’t treasure what you have now, you will regret when it’s gone because time will never turn back!"

Mood 092609

Another hot sunny day

But it’s still a pity

As it’s never perfect

So tired… another depressed thought

Hope that there’ll be a day where the things I do can be acknowledge by everyone

But… this should be an impossible mission

Pray

In all situations where there’s nothing I do helps
I’ll pray, because I’m helpless
Often I’ll face all the problems myself alone
Often, I’ll persist till the last moment; even so, I still insist that I’ll solve it myself
Perhaps I like challenges, or perhaps my pride is too strong
I don’t want to ask people for help
Don’t wish to show that I’m weak; all these made me a little solitary
When I finally realize that I can’t make it
My last resort, is actually praying!
I wish that the invisible strength will provide me some help
Help me to go through the ordeal
Sometimes, I could really feel God’s presence; some matters were resolved later on
Sometimes I’ll complain, why am I still going in circles (no progress)
Some people say I’m persistent in insignificant matters; but I’ll say that this is my principle
Some people say I’m too confident; but I’ll say this is to challenge and a growing up process
It’s not that I can’t trust others; it’s just that I trust myself more
After all, who on earth heard of people betraying themselves?


Quote to share:

"We may not see God physically but He’s always there to guide us everyday…even we had done many wrong things in life, God always forgives us…in every problem, just pray to Him, surrender everything to God and everything will be alright… "

Life...

At times, life never seems to be the way we want it…
but we live it the best way we can…
there’s no perfect life, but we can fill it with perfect moments…

Life may not be perfect the way we wanted…
but it’s perfect because we have everything we need…
we've got family care and love and friends to help us out…

We must treasure our family, friends and the ones we love…

Treasure

Today
Exactly a week ago, with tears building up in my eyes
Was the day when I gave grandma my last kiss on her cheek and forehead
With tears rolled down on my cheek at the end

It was really sad seeing grandma suffering in pain
I prayed to God to take her back to the house of the Lord
So that grandma's suffering and pain would end

Hearing grandma last news was saddening
But I really thank God for giving my brother and myself the last opportunity to visit grandma a week before my grandma passes away

Treasure what you have
Do everything whole-heartedly
Live everyday like your last day…
As sometimes, life won’t give you a second chance
To undo something you’ve done, nor will it allow you a chance to regret!

Cold rainy night

Woken up by the sound of the raindrops from my window around 3.00am where I only went to bed 2 hours ago
As the rain got heavier, I quickly got up to close the window smaller
The sudden heavy rain just came without any signs
The sudden heavy rain disturbed my heartbeat without any warning
As I lay in bed trying to get back into sleep, my body began to feel the sudden coldnesss from the cold temperature outside I guess
Thinking to myself that this would be a nice night to sleep
Covering myself with my blanket to make myself warm
The coldness then turned me almost shivering in my bed…wondering to myself why
I wasn’t able to sleep again and was wide awake…surprisingly
The heavy heart felling came back and I laid wide awake till my alarm rang (time to get up for work)
It was still raining heavily outside therefore it made this morning an extremely cold Friday morning
This is the first time in my life I experience such an incident…not being able to sleep
As usually anyone would be able to sleep soundly during a cold rainy night
Walking into the office with no sleep at all from the previous night, carrying the heavy heart feeling which came back and I felt it heavier now
Thinking that something is probably going to happen…but I still didn’t know what
My mobile rang surprising many times this morning and the sound of my mobile made me somehow uncomfortable and worried
At around 11.00+ am, it was a text message from my Dad informing me that my Grandma has passed away this morning
I was preparing for this day to come but it still so sudden that one can’t just able to accept it at that moment of time
Stunned at that particular moment, tears began flowing down my cheeks
As I was in the office I quickly wipe it off and told myself that I cannot cry
I thought of making another trip back hometown the next day to visit my grandma as it would be a long weekend
Thinking perhaps I could spend more time with my grandma
Probably this was why I had such a heavy heart for the last couple of days
Perhaps this is the message that my Grandma would like to tell me “Good-bye my child”
Perhaps this is the message that GOD would like to send to me “I’m taking your beloved Grandma home to the house of the Lord”

Good-bye grandma and may you have peace in the house of the Lord

Quote to share..

"Try to have fun in everything you do. As happiness begins with a smile. And becoming what you want begins by doing it!"

Happy birthday, Daddy!

Daddy,

Today is your birthday. Wish you can continue with your golfing and keep yourself healthy.
I am glad I have such a great dad in my life. I know you have done lots of things for me. I really appreciate everything you have done for this family.
Don't worry about me and bro. We have grown up and can take care of things on our own. So..no worries..just keep yourself healthy and happy everyday!

Love you

Everyone…

So much of concern, so much of support
I did not miss out any single messages
I know that at this time I should brace up and stay strong
I’ll try to adjust to the right attitude that I should have
It's still a long way to go in the future
I don’t wish to give up now, it’s only that I really need to challenge myself during this period of time
I would like to thank everyone for all your care, concern, prayers and blessings
Although it's difficult but I believe I'll go through this
I'm really blessed to have you guys when I'm facing such hardship
I give the time I have to my friends and to the things I love doing
I make myself more splendid
Wait and see, wait for me to come back to a full new and always smiling person

Having said so much

The main point is..... some time ago, my depression and unhappiness,
I have gotten over it, sorry to bring such emotions to you guys.
But I still insist that this is the place for me to express my feelings and vent my emotions
Just that I’m really sorry and embarrassed to have shared my unhappiness with you people.
Now, I’ll will boost my energy to the maximum and brace up and continue my perseverance
There are many more guardians around me

Mary Ann

What else can I do?

Who can tell me
What on earth am I doing
I feel that no matter how much efforts I put in, there's still won’t be any results
Perhaps everyone should go for plastic surgery, there’s no need for studying, also no need for learning anymore things
Because this society’s values are just like that

long time no blog

It has been quite a while since I've wrote anything here
Nothing actually happened, just that I had been extremely busy lately
But I still managed to pen some of my thoughts down in my diary which I carries along with me

My life has changed gears and it's going along at a slower pace
Trying to take things easy and enjoying every single minute of the day
Life at the workplace is still as hectic, with year end closing and all
Only manages to leave work latest by 9pm. After work though, my body is exhausted and this tend to make me to take things at a slower path

And yes, enjoying my leisure time by listening to my own music collections
I always love music and so it's now back to music
Perhaps one day I'll be able to play my piano again

keep coming back to me....

Fragments and pieces of the image of happiness is keep on flowing to me day by days recently. Is so real that I could actually touch on it and feel that is still there. I don't know why this feeling keeps on coming back to me and I knew is something that is gone and it will not come back any more. Places we go, things we do, places we eat, the touch and everything is keep on coming back to me even I choose to let to.

This is the real suffering that i am going through now. Why
God choose to put me through this trial of life. My faith towards love and relationship is all gone. I don't trust marriage anymore as i know deep inside i have fear in me. I pray to God to please help this poor soul to move on in my life...

Everyday now is filled with all this killing memories and the pressure is getting deeper and deeper and i really feel i am suffocated. I really hope if there is a way out from this....

taking credits

when you had no money in your wallet, i quietly added some into your wallet
when you tell me you need some cash, I gave it to you
when you needed money, I transferred to you
when you forgot to settle your credit card, i settle it for you
when we went out, I contributed on the expenses – toll, parking, food
when you wanted things that you like, i tried my best to get them for you
when you really like some things to modify your car, and you couldn’t afford it, I got it for you
when you had no money to fix your car alarm, I sponsored you as you travels outstation frequently
when you were involved in a bad car accident, i borrowed you my car while i walk to work

we bought a house together and you ask me to settle everything
i dealt with the developer, lawyer and bank on the house matters
i prepared all the necessary documents needed, took time to understand all the procedures
i wrote to them asking for waiver on this and that but you weren’t aware was i was doing
i came out with a bigger deposit amount for our house
i ensured that payments are made on time to avoid penalty, and you took these as frustrations
i paid for the house interest and house loan, you settle the smallest portion of the insurance
i went around doing banking alone, and only sometimes during weekends I just ask you to drop by to the bank when we’re on our way somewhere to pay the house loan, you grumble, scold and black face at me, yet I did not say anything but apologize.
you always say once you get your salary and claims, you’ll transfer some money back to me, but it never did happen and never did i utter a single word

i arranged and sourced for our wedding preparations as u ask me to settle everything
only needed you to accompany to sort out our wedding things and you weren’t happy with it.
you said why I can’t go and settle these things on my own. Hey...is it my wedding or our wedding?

i paid for my own wedding gown
i tailor-made and paid my own evening gown
i paid for my family attire’s
i paid for the photographer that you like and chosen
i had nothing left then, when I said to you that you’ll need to pay for the restaurant deposit. The restaurant was chasing me every 2 days where I only said to you once a week and you show unhappiness and black face to me.
i paid for your shoes...probably this is why you ran away...

after all these, matters which i’ve been doing on my own
yet you say I’m always depending on you, giving you burden,

i did everything but you took credits for everything.

Shattered Dreams

now, you have walked away
your life is full of relief and happiness
you messed with my life
leaving me with shattered dreams

eyes wide awake
crying on my bed
you didn’t even console me
leaving me in a mess

you broke my heart
did it with your mind
life seemed like hell
death seemed more like happiness

you filled me with sadness
filled me with depression
you crushed my heart
with your own hands

you forced me into a corner
pointing all the arrows at me
you forced me facing all your complains
leaving me suffering alone

you complained on my temper
said your heart has gone away
the burden i carried was never mentioned
the sacrifices that I made was never cherished

you put a scar on my forehead
the scar which is because of you
leaving me with empty promises
which you have many times made

you took my life away
along with all that i have
leaving me with nothing behind
but only shattered heart, shattered dreams and shattered life

now, your eyes is full of joy
enjoying life with your best buddies
i’ll remember what you did to me
telling my story to the world

- mary ann

...when i was little

i just found out today that i had typhoid when i was a very little girl. i knew i was always in out of hospitals when i was young but didn't really know the details.

they said i was admitted to our lady hospital for around 2 weeks, having injections for every 2 hours or 2 injections for every 6 hours till i cries everytime i see the nurse coming and have my parents spend a great amount of money on me.

they said i've most probably got bitten my some insects or something when they took me somewhere.

i asked why not general hospital but our lady hospital...said cos i was very precious...

no wonder why i am always afraid of injections since school days...wonder this may be one of the reasons.

after a whirlwind of events

The thing that’s most precious to me has become the furthest away
I knew you so well, and now it’s all a memory

What makes it so painful
Is the fact that you think you’re doing me a favour by saying goodbye

You’re the closest to me, and yet the hardest to understand
I loved you so much, and now it’s all an excuse


i m suddently left with a messy life, messy brain, energy fully drained out...but all these swirling and twisting has not ended. dunno why or what happened, but my life has suddently took a 360 degrees turn like being swept into a whirlwind.

friends kept reminding me to LET IT GO, GET OVER IT but it's not as easy as it's being said than done and they know it too. they said i really need time...yalots of time where i definitely knows it will be years...dunno till when as i can only hope time will heal my shattered heart. i've decided to let it be and avoid all things related to this situation as maybe i'll get over it faster...

things changed. people changed. for better or worse - nobody could tell as only time will reveal.

my life has changed. i have changed. my thinking has changed.
2009 will be better - i definitely foresee it's not gonna be a smooth sailing year ahead, but i m sure i will come out triumphant :) so, wish me the best & i wish u the same, too.

cleaning and washing

I went to collect back my house keys from the developer today and check on the correction works which they have completed. So far so good. But noticed some leakeage so need to submit report again. Since was going over there i also clean up the place and lalangs has grown quite a lot at the garden area. Tried to kill and remove all the lalangs but its not an easy task. Planning to save money to buy good new soil and replace the mud soil which the developer gave. Washed the porched and house too and went home feeling ache here and there.

Why do you hurt me?
Can’t you see through my eyes?
That I love you
Your emotions cold
And so bold towards me
All I do is love you
And you mistreat me like this
Why do I take your dis?
I try to get close to you
Why push me away?

My heart sways back and forth
Not knowing if your love is true
You don’t value my worth
Can’t believe I called you my boo
Maybe its time for me to leave
Not look back and wonder
TheWhat if’s…

I’ve done my time and grieved
You’re nothing more than a stranger
A mere soul consumed by your anger
My tears roll down my face
Thinking of the time
That will never be replaced
Your touch, your face
To much for me to bear
Because you’ve made it clear
That you just don’t care

Just let me go
I can’t take it anymore
I’m at my wits end
Open the door and let me go
Let me be free
So I can see
What real love means
My heart is aching
Just let me be
Let me flee
To arms of someone…
Who will love me.

i've got a quote for my previous post

"....A simple I love you means more than money...."-- Frank Sinatra

Reflection

Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences and failing to achieve anything useful.